Coffee for one

Oh I half wish I was back with the trolls. This morning I arrived bright and early at my new assignment- a huge insurance company- and was feeling upbeat as I walked into its glistening halls. Companies like this can be temp paradise- loads of employees so even better for staying anonymous, huge stationery cupboards just waiting to be plundered, and lots of bright, sexy men to get my teeth into, just before I piss off forever to the next job. Other benefits include free coffee, comfy seats and big windows to gaze out of all day long as you pretend you're getting to grips with a complex filing system. Sadly, while the building was fresh and modern, the company was not. I was met by a librarian type called Maura/ Moira/ Myra/ whatever whose cardigan was buttoned right up to the very top of her wrinkly forehead. As she loked me up and down I knew I'd have trouble with this one. Girls that take a bit of pride in their appearance are heavy nonos with this type- I'd kept the make up simple but I reckon my too-low cut top was going to piss her right off. I'd made a schoolgirl error here- if you're given a female's name as a contact for your first day then you need to tone down the feminine charms. It doesn't follow that you need to get your tits out for the boys though- they can see through fake flirting as quick as you like, after all, Working Girl was a long time ago.

So Maura shows me to my desk which is miles away from a window but right next to the chocolate machine. Apparently somebody called Des should be showing me the ropes but he's off with some kid of infection. Grrrrrreat. Coffee is not free and everybody has their own mug AND supply of tea or coffee which they keep locked under their desk. This means I was gasping for a cuppa all day with nobody coming forth to offer me one. I did toy with the idea of borrowing Des's cup and coffee supply but the jar of brown powder had no label on and could have been pure heroin for all I know. His cup was chipped in several places and had a tidemark round the side like a skanky old bath. I'm not looking forward to meeting this hunk. NOT.