The temp tells all

Ever wondered how boring it must be to temp for a living? Wonder no more! Read my blog and share my pain- no snoozing at the back now!

Friday, September 29, 2006

A permanent fixture

The weekend is on its way and I can't wait. It has been a really dull and depressing week sitting in this place and I'm looking forward to a job that gets me back out into the sunshine. It looks like I'll be here for at least another two weeks though.

I had lunch with an old temping friend Debbie the other day. she was telling me I need to get my act together and get a permanent job. She says that going 'perm' has changed her life but I saw she's still wearing the same cheap shoes- her heel was hanging off for fucks sake.

I have had permanent jobs before but I've never liked them. I get really scared that if I need to get out of a shit job I have to give a month's notice and can't just escape like I can now. The downside of temping is that sometimes I really do get a job I love and don't want to leave. These jobs are scarce because the girl you're replacing usually can't wait to get back and oust the poor temp who's doing the job way better than she can.

Anyway I haven't seen Debbie for a while so it was good to catch up but she soon got on my nerves with all her big talk of her huge salary and how hot the guys are in her office. She said there was a job in the postroom if I was interested. I politely declined, but just for that insult, I let her go back to her office with a Bolognese stain on her chin. Postroom- what a cow!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Sorry to keep you waiting

It seems like ages since I last wrote and that's because it is! Sorry! The TV job ended after a couple of weeks and then I decided I was fucked off with starting a new job every two fucking minutes so I went on holiday. And it was great.

But now I am back, a week and a half into one of my worst assignments yet. I'm receptionist at a film editing firm- well I say reception, I feel like I'm sitting in an upright coffin- with no daylight or view to the outside world and very dodgy internet access. No sooner am I halfway through eBaying handbags or paying my electricity bill than connection will drop and I'll be sitting staring at the screen with a look of horror on my face.

My phonecalls are from media types agreeing to come to screenings on the screening rooms or sales calls. I'm not that busy to be honest, unless there's a screening on and I have to point people in the right direction. It's dull, dull, dull and there's nothing remotely interesting or funny about it. None of the people who work want to be disturbed EVER so the most fun I've been having involves getting calls from sales people. It goes a little something like this.

Me (bored): Hello (company name)
Sales Loser (very enthusiastic): Hello there, my name is Big Fat Fucking Loser from Dicko Ltd. Can I speak to the person in charge of technical innovation please?
Me (almost asleep but recognising sales patter): The what?
SL: Can I speak to the person in charge of technical innovation please?
Me: Do you mean the person who buys new equipment?
SL: That's right!
Me: You selling something?
SL (lying): Absolutely not. I do have an exciting proposition for the person in charge of technical innovation, which will change the way you do business.
Me: Hold please. (files nails, attempts to log on to eBay, time passes, civilisations are founded and fall)
Me (putting on low, droning voice): Bill speaking.
SL: Hi! Are you the person in charge of technical innovation?
Me (putting on low, droning voice): The what?
SL (enthusiasm dwindling somewhat): Can I speak to the person in charge of technical innovation please?
Me (putting on low, droning voice): Do you mean the person who buys new equipment?
SL (more dejectedly): That's right!
Me (putting on low, droning voice): Hold please.

And so on. Sometimes for ages. I like inventing odd names for each and every person the poor fucker has to speak to. I do it around four or five times until the sales guy finally guesses he's been had or loses the will to live. I had no idea I was so good at impressions.

Nothing else interesting has happened here except that there was a buzz at the door yesterday and when I looked at the videocom to see who it was saw a transvestite being sick in the doorway, her head slammed against the buzzer as she vacated her colon all over the door. It was 1 in the afternoon- don't you just love Soho?